Does Full-time Traveling with Kids Mean Giving Up Sex?

green M&Ms make your parts feel funny

Photograph by Fritz Liess


For those of you without children, having sex on the road will be just like doing it at home, but way better.

You’ll be in better shape, a natural side effect of travel done right. You’ll be excited about life. You’ll have hidden beaches and redwood groves and the back of your van to get it on all night long in.

For those of us with babies, though, man, it’s not so easy. The younger the child, the more easily you can pull one over on them, but every kid gets older and even toddlers would ask questions like, “Mama, why do I know about the mole on daddy’s butt?” It just happens.

So how can you make having sex easier? Degrees of separation.

When buying yourself an RV, try and find something that can give the kids a sleeping space well separated from your own. Maybe you’ve got the queen bed in the back and they’re sleeping on pull outs in the living room, with a kitchen and bathroom door or two between you.

Car sex is another viable option. If you sleep practically on top of one another, after they’ve all gone down, throw your lady in the back of your tow vehicle and let everyone know that this van, indeed, is a-rockin’.

The only other piece of advice I can give you is to take advantage of every moment of alone time. Kids can get engaged in things like sports and cub scouts and whatever other extra-curricular activities you can think of. Sure, you don’t want to miss Little Jimbo’s big game, but maybe ditch the third inning to take that love of your life back behind the bleachers and try and give ol’ Jimmy a little sister?

Why not?